i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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