Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Couch. On fire.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
