no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
