She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
