the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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