Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I will pee on everything he values.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
