it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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