I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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