i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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