Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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