The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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