Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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