my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Randomize
