is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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