i was born a porn star she said
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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