Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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