I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
