The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
