My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
