when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
