Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
