using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
