My hand turned me down
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
