she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
