I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize