If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
