I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
