apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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