Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
