I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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