I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
