that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
