He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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