Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
