Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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