"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
