Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
