Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
