a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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