I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
