i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
