I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
