So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
