She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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