billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
