She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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