I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
