Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
