you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize