is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
