I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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