I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
