I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just googled if crying burns calories
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
