what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
