Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
