We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize