Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
