Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
