She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
