sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
