Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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