the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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