I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
