i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
