I can tuck mytits in my pants
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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