I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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