I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
