So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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