I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
