Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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