I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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