I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
