My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
