I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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